The "E" in Emotion

The letter "E" in the word emotion can be said to represent energy which sets us in motion to take some kind of action. To understand emotions, we need to realize that all of our negative emotions stem from love. The enduring energy of love animates us and all of life.

All our emotions, then, have value. They tell us something about what is important to us and set us in motion toward some kind of action. When stress begins, we feel the pain or discomfort of some negative emotional state. Our emotional state includes an evaluation of ourselves, the situation and an evaluation of our ability to handle the situation. Our negative emotions are danger signals. They tell us we believe that something undesirable is about to happen, is happening, or has happened to someone or something we love. They move us to some version of fight-or-flight.

Love is the central and primary positive emotion from which all others stem. It tells us something or someone is important to us. Love, then, tells us directly what gives us joy, what we enjoy and care about, what is important to us. Love moves us to take care of, or, to simply care for whom or what we love.

Fear tells us that something undesirable is about to happen, is happening, or has happened to something, or someone that is important to us. It includes our evaluation of ourselves as powerless and incapable in relation to the situation. Fear moves us to run away, to take flight.


Anger tells us that something undesirable is about to happen, is happening, or has happened to something or someone that is important to us. It includes our evaluation of ourselves as having some power and ability to do something in relation to the situation. Anger moves us to be aggressive and fight.

Sadness tells us that something undesirable is about to happen, is happening, or has happened to something or someone that is important to us. It includes our evaluation of ourselves as defeated, powerless and hopeless in relation to the situation. Sadness moves us to tears and then acceptance of whatever we have, or think we have lost.

Since our stress today is not so much a physical threat, but is primarily emotional and mental, it is important to understand the logic of emotions. I found this very helpful to the men who consulted me. This was especially helpful to the men who were either dragged in for marital therapy by their wives, or had been sent in by their wives to see me as an ultimatum: “Either go to therapy or I’m leaving.”'

Hopefully, by taking a look at the logic behind our feelings, we will be encouraged as men to recognize just what these emotions are that women want us to share. Perhaps, we can then break free and by embracing the logic of emotions, become more comfortable being expressive.
On the other hand, I encountered women whose husbands were upset that their wives were distant and had trouble expressing their feelings. These women seemed to be more identified with their male side. These women also found the logic of emotions helpful.

• Today, practice recognizing your negative feelings are telling you something improtant about what you value and love. When anger (irritation, resentment), fear (anxiety, worry), sadness (grief, feeling down) arise, just do the inner quest with a question: "What is my anger, fear, sadness or depression telling me about what I love?"