A Primary Source of Anger

“What is the earliest source of anger?” Shiva asked.. She had such beautiful penetrating eyes. The mysteries of the universe were in those deep dark pools.

“As soon as we are born,” I said, “we begin to divide the world into what we love and what we hate. We love what helps us feel good, what gives us pleasure and comfort. And we hate what makes us feel bad, what gives us pain and discomfort.

“Just the other day, a patient, Peter, told me how he awoke the other night with the old iron radiators in his house banging. A feeling of hatred consumed him. ‘I hate this house!’ he yelled in his head.
“He began to feel into his feeling and he looked through his anger. ‘I hate what hurts me and I love what comforts me.’ He was getting at the earliest form of our relationship with the world,” I said.

“And who is the world at that point?” I asked. “Mother. Mater. Mater, Latin for mother, is close to matter. Our love affair and hatred of the material world begins in mother’s arms.

“What power she has to give us comfort! Our fate is totally in her hands. We can’t change our stinky diaper. Or, to put it more crudely, we can’t wipe our own ass yet. We hate our dependency. This dependency becomes our dragon to slay if we are to get free.

“The fire-breathing dragon in fairy tale and legend is in essence a belief. It is a product of our imagination expressed in symbolic language: the language whereby our invisible inner world of thoughts and feelings are rendered into people, places, and things in the visible outer world.” The ideas were flowing, so I kept going.

“This insatiable beast represents our anger when our desires are not met. ‘Feed me Seymour!’ shouts the man-eating flower in Little Shop of Horrors. Likewise, the dragon roars, “Feed me, or I’ll consume you with the fire of my wrath!”

Shiva asked, “What do you believe is the belief?” She was now smiling almost as enigmatically as the Mona Lisa.

“It’s the belief that we are dependent on something external to ourselves to feel good and be at peace,” I said.

I then said, “An alcoholic patient once told me how anger was at the root of his drinking. As the patient spoke, I thought of my time with the Maya. During one sacred fire ceremony, the shaman poured alcohol on the fire. The fire flared up. So, too, the alcoholic attempts to put out the fire of anger by dampening it with shots of whiskey. Alcohol doesn’t deaden anger; it enflames anger. Alcohol fuels the flames shooting out of the dragon’s mouth.”

“Air, oxygen, can feed fire, too,” she said. “A strong wind can cause a fire to blaze through a whole forest. Whereas the mild breeze of your breath can keep the flame of the Divine alive, and provide you with a gentle warmth.” Shiva shimmered as she slipped into the velvety-black fabric of a star-studded night. (Note: see postings for Shiva appearing as a goddess.)

• Today, if anger arises, take the step of calming yourself physically. Breathe in slowly and deeply and slay the dragon by silently say to yourself, "Breathing in, I remind myself that I AM NOT dependent on aything external to myself to feel good and be at peace." Pause briefly, and as you exhale, silently say, "Breathing out, I remind myself that I have everything I need within myself to feel good and be at peace."